MY EMPTY SOUL

Walkin’ down the street
Livin’ a lie, Cars pass by
I just want to cry.
Hidden away
at the back of my mind
is that perilous thought,
“Will she leave me behind?
One love
one life
we are destined to be,
soulmates forever throughout eternity,
In past lives I have loved you,
In this life I love you too,
I know I’ll always find you
where ever you are,
No matter the consequence,
No matter how far,
From deep within my soul
you have touched the poet,
Brought words to life
and feelings to the surface.
so Don’t hurt me, my body is weary;
I’m not looking for lies,
I want only the truth to spoke.
No promises made
Nothing to keep.
Perhaps a whisper
floats in the dark so deep.
Despite good intentions,
But with faith ensured,
Runs deep emotions
We will endure
You can melt all the tension
and ease all the pain,
Making all refreshed as a cleansing spring rain.
A feeling of security,
a safe- haven if you may.
And within this dream I wish to forever stay.
but my rhymes have all turned venomous,
To twisted words of dreariness,
I hate the hate I never meant,
i never wanted to let you go
Eyes now searching, finding,
locked… arms caressing
Paths intertwining, becoming…
step by step -
Now there is only silence,
maddening silence.
It is suffocating,
draining my heart of your songs..
Emptiness that pulls, and pushes, and shoves…
The emptiness is within me, devouring me whole,
Leaving nothing left but an empty soul…

My Cyber Friends

Cyber world is indeed one of the fastest way to know the world. It is where you meet people with different perception, with different thoughts, with different philosophy in life. You may be talking to them for like a couple of days but you would never know that deepest in them. You may know them by name or by face but you would never know the world they build their own. You may be sharing the world you thought you built together but only he/she can have his/her own paradise.

Lately out of boredom, I prefer to stay until the wee hours of the morning. I wasn’t really this pathetic in staying up late until I met few of my to-be-treasured friends. I’m not like being a melodramatic here; the catch is every time that I am talking to them it was like a relief after such stressful day (though I’m not really doing anything).

I am the weirdest person in my own little way. I always say that I love my family (which is true) it’s just that sometimes I don’t want to be home, i want to spend most of my times with my friends. I really just can’t understand the fact why they are so strict with regards to my “happy hours” though they were the ones who keep on telling me that I am a matured person and that I know now all my responsibilities. Even sometimes I get envy to my friends, who are, for Pete’s Sake, are girls because they can always stay up late outside because their parents trust them. Am i not like trust worthy?  And with that, I want to be free. I wanted to search for freedom. I want to fly high. I want to be independent. But I just can’t.

Somewhere along the road where I used to travel in my quest to life, I’ve known some of the unexpected type of friends. They are my “cyber friends” as I may say. Every night that I will be online I just can’t help myself but to be excited at some point because, somehow again, with the presence of my cyber friends, the world is just awesome. I really had a good time talking to them. No dull moments.

To kuya dencios and to nanay Joy, they are my dad and mom in this huge CYBER WORLD. Never in my life have I imagined that people like them exist. Every moments spent with them is priceless.

To kuya Tsi, to Allen, lkuya columbus, kuya ax, kuya jason, to Kuya Bernard, to kuya Alvin, kuya Otep, Kuya Rye, kuya Blu, kuya Mhar, ate winkie, kuya allan and to my ever precious ate YHEn. Thank you for always making my chatting hours productive. Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts. Fo those that i didn’t mentioned, forgive me for i am oblivious.

And let me also mention the three people who are always making my night life alive: Kuya Matti, Kuya DC and Kuya Bruno.  I’ve never been this thankful for my cyber friends because, really, before i wasn’t even giving much importance to them. I thought every cyber-people are disposable that when you talk to them today, tomorrow they were all junks. But this people made a difference. They left marks in me. So they gave another meaning to a thing i called FRIENDS. A frierndmehow is someone who cares, someone who iways thee. A friend is someone special, someone who you s alcan tell everything. A friend is someone who will never betray you no matter who doesn’t like you. A friend is someone you can trust, someone kind of like you. ll have one dream even if i know that it iBut I stis quite impossible. I wanted to meet them all in person. I wanted to know the faces that make me smile and who taught me (in the most unexpected way) the value of LIFE

BAKIT KA SINGLE?

Madaming tao na ang nabubuhay sa mundo. Ilang bilyon na tayong nagsisiksikan sa mundong to. At ilang uri na din ng tao ang pilit na sumisiksik. Iba iba tayo.  May ibang nabubuhay para sa iba, para sa sarili, para magmahal at para manakit. Ang hindi ko lang lubos maisip ay kung bakit may iba pa din ang pinipiling mabuhay mag isa. Is it by chance or by choice? I break down natin ang mga reasons kung bakit single ang isang nilalang.

BABALA: ang mga mababanggit ay pawing kathang isip lamang. Hindi sinasadya kung matatamaan ka! Bwahahha

CODENAME: Fate seeker, Destiny Addict, Soul mate Hunters

“Tadhana lamang ang may alam” yan ang madalas na litanya ng mga damuhong yan. Kung tutuusin ay nabubuhay na tayo sa computer generation kung  saan ang lahat ay high-tech na. Pero bakit may ganito pa din ang nag eexist? Sadya nga bang nalugmok na sila sa nakaraan? Sa mga panahon ng dakilang kopong-kopong. Madalas sa madalas ay dyaryo ang tangan nila, hndi para basahin ang kaganapang nangyayari sa bansa bagkus ay upang alamin ang horoscope for the day nila kasama na ang lucky color, lucky words at lucky number. Subukan mong tanungin kung bakit yan ang kulay ng suot nyan, wag ka na nga lang magugulat sa sagot “eto kasi sabi ng horoscope ko eh”.

Ang madalas na tambayan nila hindi megamall at lalong hndi din naman ang pamosong Ayala Malls. Madalas sila sa QUAIPO, hndi para sambahin ang Mahal na Poong Nazareno kundi para maglahad ng palad sa mga manghuhula. Patok yan sa takilya. Kahit byernes na araw ng Nazareno hayun at nakikipagsiksikan sila, malaman lang ang hula para sa kanila

CODENAME: Perfectionist, Metikoloso y metikolosa,

Eto na marahil ang masamang epekto ng mga fairytales. May mga aliping babae ang mamahalin ng isang npakagwapong prince charming na mala-knight-in-the-shining-armour ang epeks. Ipaglalaban ang pagmamahal sa babae hanggang sa dulo, magkamatayan man. Eh kung ipukpok at basagin ko kaya sa mga kukote nila ang salamin ng mangkukulam ni Snow White. Anu ba naming kalokohan yan?

Tanungin mo ang karamihan sa mga kababaihan kung ano ang tipo nilang lalaki ang isasagot nila “gentleman, loyal, devoted, trust worthy, family oriented” susmaryosep may ganito pa bang nabubuhay. Saka madalas gusto ng babae gwapo eh hndi nmn lahat ng gwapo may girlfriends eh madalas may boyfriends na din. Whapakssss!!!

Ang madalas nman n hobby ng mga ito ay magbasa ng  pocketbooks! Sino ba naming hindi eh halos lahat ng lovestory dun eh perfect. Cge nga ihanap mo ko ng isang pocketbook, khit isa lang, na brutal ang ending ng love story!

CODENAME: Busy-busy-han, workaholics

Isa ito sa mga alibi ng mga taong walang pag-ibig. Isa sa mga pinakalaspag na alibi. Kesyo daw walang time, busy sa school works, busy sa reports sa office. Acceptable ba ito oh dahil wala lang talagang nagkakamaling pumatol sa knila o bka namn sila ang choosy.

Kadalasan ang mga taong busy ay may mas malalim na dahilan kung bakit mas pinipili nila ang bokya ang buhay pag ibig nila. Yung iba kasi may mas malalim na dahilan kung bakit ganon ang mas prefer nila. Some would think kasi na wala naman silng mapapala sa pag-ibig bka lang  masaktan lang sila and all that.

Some naman would choose career over lovelife  kasi daw buti pa sa career nakakaipon sila eh sa pag may lovelife daw puro gastos. Iba iba din ang tao on how to deal with this situation. Ang iba pg malapit na ang monthsarry o ang anniversary eh nakikipag away oh nkikipag break just to get away with expenses. Biruin mo nga naman eh naiisip pa nila un. Makaiwas lang lahat eh gagawin.

CODENAME: Happy-go-lucky, trippers

Mga taong walang ginawa kundi manakit, magpa-asa, maglaro at manakit. Mas gusto nila ang single dahil kahit papaano daw eh natitikman nila ang kahit na sinong gusto nilang tikman! Aba’y animal! Kakaiba sila kasi ang gusto nila ay iba ibang putahe. Kung saan sila masarapan doon sila ma settle eh pano kung biglang may mahanap na naman na iba. Patay kang bata ka.  Kadalasan lang naman ito sa mga taon  may kaya sa buhay, na halsos gabi  gabi ay laman ng mga naglipanang bar na pag natapilok sa kanlugan ng isa ay bukas na ang bangon.

CODENAME: Rated PG, parental control

Mga taong naninirahan noong panahon pa ni Ma. Clara. Mga babaing halos ayaw ipakit ang balat, madalas ay mahaba ang suot. Ang akala nila siguro ay malamig sa pinas, nagtataka lang ako eh noon wala pang rexona, hndi kaya…… uuhmmm. Sa panahon ngayon minsan ay dapat hangaan ang mga ganitong tao. Ang iba kasi sa knila ay may nabitawang salita sa magulang nila na gusto muna nilang makapag tapos ng pag aaral dahil jan wala kang karapatang sisihin sila. Kakambal nila ang mga “SINTUNADOS” mga taong wrong timing kung mainlove.  Sagnitong  pagkakataon kahit gano mo sya kamahal eh wala k naming magagawa maliban sa isa ang MAGHINTAY. Paano ba naman kasi, pader na ang binubunggo mo. Aba! At kung ako ba nga naman , pag natapos na ko sa pag aaral, ang tatanungin eh mas pipiliin kong naging single ako dahil ako ang may gusto hindi dahil sa dikta ng magulang ko. Eh kung sila na di kaya magpalit ng brief na suot ko o kaya ay magpaligo skin. Total ganun din naman un.

CODENAME: Traumatic Patients

Mga scared to death na magmahal dahil sa isang kalunos lunos na pangyayari noong nakaraan nila. Kadalasan ay mga TRIPPERS ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng ito. Sila ung tipo ng tao na akalain mong after maging liberal ay biglang magpapakatino. Na kulang nalang ay pumasok sa kumbento o seminary dahil sa sobrang pain. May iba naman na biglang magpapakadalubhasa may maipamukha lang sa nanakit sa knila. Ang iba magpaparetoke. Ang iba nmn ma dedepress ayun lalong pumanget, sa tingin nya babalika n pa b sya nun?

May iba din naman na matitinong tao na dahil nasaktan ay biglang magpapakaliberal. Aba’y hndi dapat ganun, dahil sila na mismo ang nakaranas alam n dapat nila nag pakiramdam ng saktan! Let KARMA do its own thing.

CODENAME: X to the nth power

Mga taong pinipilit na naka move one na sila pero ang totoo ay hindi nmn talaga. Mga taong galit daw sa ex pero ex pa din ang gustong makatuluyan. Sila din ung tipo ng tao na alam ang lahat ng pinakakorning paraan mapansin lang namely:

-          Pag nkita si ex kunwari may ka flirt bigla pero wa epek nmn

-          Burado daw number kabisado nmn

-          Nagfoforward ng quotes

-          Blank messages ang itetext tas mag sosorry kasi wrong sent daw

-          Magpapalit ng number tas makikipagtextmate sa ex

-          Lagging mangangamusta pero si ex deadma

Pero may iba n sadyang ipinanganak na emo na pag narinig ang theme song eh kulang nalang ay humagulgol

Proud ako sa LOLA KO!

Isa akong proud na apo! Bakit? Ganito kasi un,

si lola ay 63 years old pero andun pa din sya sa ibang bansa upang makipagsapalaran. Andun sya sa Turkey. Sosyal ba? Pero hindi. Bakit hndi? Eto kasi un.

Nagsimulang mag abroad ang lola ko nung 2 years old pa lang ako. Pangarap kasi ng lola ko na makatapos ang lahat ng apo nya paano ba naman kasi lahat ng anak nya hindi nakatapos ng kolehiyo dahil sa kakulangan sa  pera.

Ako bilang unang apo, nais kong maging makatotohanan ang pangarap ng lola ko. Isang dosena kaming magpipinsan na pinapangrap nyang makatapos. Nasa ikatlong antas na ako sa kolehiyo kasalukuyang kumukuha ng Bachelor of Science in Nursing at ang aking  pangarap ay maging isang SURGEON.

Sa totoo lang, nahihirapan na ako sa pag aaral. Hindi dahil sa kurso ko, kundi  dahil na din (saan pa nga ba?) sa pera.  Lagi na lamang kasing problema ang pera, twing may kailangang bayaran para akong nanghihina, nanlulumo. Hindi ko kasi alam kung makakabayad ba ako oh kung ano.

Nito lang bago matapos ang semester hindi ko halos makuha ang grades ko dahil may hndi pa kasi ako nababayaran at pag hindi ko nakuha ang grades ko ay hndi ako makakapag enrol. Magkano ang dapat bayaran? 15k lang naman.

Naawa na din ako kila mama kasi kahit na gusto nilang maglabas ng pera eh wala nmn  silang ilalabas. kahit nakakahiya man,  si lola pa din ang takbuha namen.

500 euro yan ang ipinadala nya halos kabuuan ng kanyang buwanang sahod,. Imagine, isang 63 years old na dapat ay retired na ay ayun pa din at kumakayod para sa pamilya nya. Ang sabi pa nga ng lola ko, saka lang sya hihinto sa pag tatrabaho pag nakatapos na ko.

Sobrang laki ng pasasalamat ko sa lola ko. Sobrang taas noo ako sa kanya. Saludo ako sa lahat ng pinagdaanan nyang hirap pero ayun pa din sya at lumalaban. Bilang ganti ay pagsusumikapan ko lalo ang aking pag aaral. Hinding hindi ako susuko. Hindi ko sasayangin ang pawis at luha na naibuno ng lola ko para lang maigapang ang pag aaral ko. Pag nakatapos ako, susuklian ko ang bawat pangungulila nya noon ng isang masaganang ngiti na ako mismo ang mag guguhit sa kanyang mga labi. PROUD AKO SA LOLA KO! ISA AKONG PROUD APO

Sulat ni tatay at ni nanay

Nag online ako para sa facebook anu pa nga ba? pero hndi ko akalain na makakaita ako ng meaningful na post. hndi ko alam kung cnu ang original na author nito at kung sino ka man humahanga ako. wag mo lang sana akong kasuhan ng plagiarism. hehehe

Sa aking pagtanda unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensyahan
Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ko ay nakakabasag ako ng pinggan
O pag nakatapon ng sabaw wag mo sana akong kagalitan
Maramdamin ang isang matanda
Nag seself pity ako twing sisigawan mo ko
Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi na kita maintindihan
Huwag mo naman sana ako sabihan ng bingi
Paki-ulit nlang ang sinabi mo o kaya’y pakisulat na lang
Pasensya ka na anak Matanda na talaga ako
Pag mahina na ang tuhod ko Pagtyagaan mo sana akong itayo
Katulad ng pag alalay ko sayo nung una ka pa lamang nag aaral lumakad
Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako
Kung ako man ay nagiging makulit na parang sirang palaka
Basta pakinggan mo na lang ako
Wag mo sana akong pagtawanan o pagsawaang pakinggan
Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa?
Kapag gusto mo ng lobo paulit ulit mo ung sasabihn
Maghapon kang mangungulit hanggang makuha mo ang gusto mo
Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo
Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana anak ang aking amoy
Amoy matanda, amoy lupa
Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo
Mahina na ang katawan ko
Madaling magkasakit pag nalamigan, huwag mo rin sana akong pandirihan
Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa anak?
Pinagtyatyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kasi ayaw mong maligo.
Pagpasensyahan mo na kung madalas akoy masungit
Dahil na rin siguro ito sa katandaan
Pag tanda mo anak, maiintindihan mo din ako
Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo
Kahit sandali lang, inip lang ako sa bahay maghapong nag iisa
Walang kausap
Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho
Kahit alam kong hndi ka interesado sa kwento ko
Natatandaan mo pa anak noong bata ka pa?
Pinagtyatyagan kong intidihin ang kwento mong pautal utal tungkol sa teddy bear mo?
At kapag dumating ang sandal na ako ay magkasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman
Huwag mo sana akong pagsawaang alagaan
Pagpasensyahan mo na sana
Kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan
Pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan hanggang sa huli ng aking buhay
Total hindi naman na ako magtatagal
Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw
Hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay at bigyan mo sana ako ng lakas ng loob
Na harapin ang aking kamatayan
At huwag kang mag aalala
Kapag kaharap ko na ang DYOS na lumikha
Ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagpalain ka sana
Dahil mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama at ina

CROSSROADS

Travelling this crossroads makes me weak
Weak to choose which path
Weak to choose what’s right
Should I stay here with this pain?
Or should I let go and be free?

 

Travelling these crossroads make me sick
Sick to think what the future holds
Sick to watch the emptiness unfold
I’ve been alone in this spree
With no one here but me

Travelling these crossroads made me realize
Facing the problems and dealing with lies
Going against the habit and breaking the ties
People go with the crossroads or go against it
What will I choose for me to win this feat?

Travelling these crossroads makes me small
I’m waiting here, waiting in vain
I think I’m lunatic, I think it’s surreal
This is torture, this is pain
I think I’m gonna go insane

Yes I’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And I’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go
And on that path, and on that flow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The tears that was shed, the tints that glow

Don’t know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn’t be so bad.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
Now I walk alone in this dark crossroads
With no light to guide my way
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day

What would you feel?

what would you feel when suddenly you lose hope of everything for no known reasons.?

what would feel when you were kicked out of the scholarship.?

what would you feel when all of your sleepless nights didn’t paid off?

what would feel when your nights-turned-days were not well compensated.?

what would you feel when some of your good friends have to transfer to another school?

what would you feel when just because of the stupid school’s rules and regulation you will lose a friend?

what would you feel you have no one to blame?

what would you feel when all of a sudden you found no reasons to live?

what would you feel when someone whom you really love just set you free?

what would you feel when you wake up in the morning and you do not know how to smile?

what would you feel when one day you didn’t even know what happiness is?

what would you feel when you, yourself, doesn’t exactly know what to feel?

what would you feel when you are too numb to respond to the struggles that life throws you?

whew!!! ^^

WHEN: October 27
WHERE: Mandaluyong City Hall & Rizal Technological University

MAKEUP DUTY

AUBREE AND LEI

biruin mo nga nmn oh, para akong bisor ng mga nag duty. sila naka green n nurses’ shirt at ako naman parang tangang naka-allwhite

saka kung su-swertehen k nga naman, ang ibang course, sila babayaran pag mag O-OJT tas kami, kami pa magbabayad. huhuhu ayan hndi ko pa tuloy nababayaran. lubog tuloy ako. panu ako mag eenroll? well anyways, ganyan talaga. pero hindi ako papayag na titigil. no way!

haha

BOTANTE NA AKO!

MGA KASABWAT

after ng make up duty nmin, sinamahan ako ng dalawa kong alipores (wahehe) na makpag parehistro. sa totoo lang wala nmn talaga sa balak ko ang magparehistro eh. si mama lang ang may gusto. 12pm nasa munisipyo n kmi. mga wlang laman ang sikmura– buti ako natitiis ko ang mga nag gegerang tiyan ko. ramdam ko sya. para akong nkalunok ng cellphone na nag ba-vibrate. aguy! nung una nga parang aukong pumila, paano ba naman nalulula ako. mas madami pa ung taong nagparehistro kesa dun sa umattend ng fans day ko. aw

at ang nakakahiya pa

kasi hndi man lang ako nkangiti sa harapan nung kamera. panu b nmn kasi, nasa harapan k ng madlang pipol. ung tipong lahat nakatingin dun sa kompyuter, nagaabang kung anong ngiti ang gagawin mo. ay nakung buhay toh, ang panget siguro ng itsura ko dun. pwede bang palitan un ng isang profile pic ko sa facebook?

after 5 hourse ng pagpila, ng pagpawisan aun at nakatapos din. nakakangawit din pala ang pag upo. whew!!!

BOTANTE NA AKO

TOO MANY QUESTIONS!

for the past few weeks, i was not happy because i couldn’t feel the same warm affection that you used to give me during the past early months of our relationship. i said to myself that it would be OK but everyday, everything is fast growing cold. I just don’t know why, maybe because the more we are planning to build our future, the more the foundation grew more stiff and useless

everyday i wanted to hug you but all i can do is just to imagine that it is your warm caress I’m embracing. Everyday i wanted to kiss you, to hold your hands, i wanted to converse with you, i wanted to laugh with you, to cry with you, i wanted to cook you breakfast, i wanted to serve you. In the  morning, it is your smile that i wanted to see first. Your face is like a sun that chases all the insanity in me.

ABSENCE DOESNT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER, IT MAKES THE HEART LONG FOR MORE”

how pathetic of me to say that i understand everything when in fact i do not. we are oceans apart but we are only bridges away. all i wanted was just a bit of a time. am i asking too much?

THE LEAST THAT I COULD DO NOW IS TO THINK THINGS ALONE AND TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE WAY BETTER OFF WITH YOUR DECISION!

How do you bid farewell to the one who glowed  with the promises of your happiness?
How does hope fill you with dreams sweeter than one’s you’ve ever seen, only to leave you staring into denial’s eyes?

How do you let something as invisible as time  heal the gaping wound where your heart once was?
How do you ever believe in promises while deceit is promise’s lover?
How do you get to the point of looking back  and appreciating the day when love laughed in your face a second time
and you can say “thank you” for it?
How do you ever learn to listen to the crying child in your heart again,
only to ask yourself these questions once more?Why’d it all end?
Why all the pain?
Why’s the sunshine gone?
Why again all the rain?
Why all the lies?
Why all the heartache?
Why all the tears?
Why the painful cries?
Why all the fears?
Why’s the bond we once had, now all gone?
Why is it that you are so far away,
yet you still feel so near?
Why can’t I let go?
Why can’t I just face the truth?
When should i start?
Where should i go?
When Should i cry?
WHere would i shed all the tears that fall?
You are gone and once again,
I am all alone.

isn’t it ironic?

everybody wants to love
but nobody wants to get hurt

everybody wants to gamble
but nobody wants to take risk

everybody wants to sing
but nobody wants to be heard

everybody wants to be heard
but nobody wants to speak

everybody wants to fly
but nobody wants to fall

everybody wants to swim
but nobody wants to get drown

everybody wants to  race
but nobody wants to lose

everybody wants to think things alone
but nobody wants to be lonely

everybody wants to be remembered
but nobody knows how

everybody wants to live forever
but nobody wants to grow old

everybody wants to be in heaven
but nobody wants to die

almost everybody learned how to tell lies
because not everyone deserves to know the truth

everybody deserves to be happy
but nobody know how to

everybody wants to understand life
but nobody wants to learn

everybody wants to learn
but nobody understands